The labeling of Relationships

They say that love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. Does that mean that a relationship just a word until someone else comes along and gives it meaning? We can call anyone we know a friend, but why is it so hard to label our romantic relationships? Why is calling someone your boyfriend, lover or partner so difficult?

When we were in school, we were afraid to be labeled into a group: nerds, jocks, greeks, goths and preps. But we all wanted to be labeled into some relationships: friends, boyfriends, girlfriend, going steady, junior varsity. As adults, we try to get past some labels: gay, straight, queer, bi. But we all seek certain labels: wife, husband, boyfriend, partner, girlfriend, and lover. Does labeling have something to do with intimacy?

My friend has recently started dating a lovely young man named Mario. They had met a few weeks back at the Rainforest Festival. It was the typical gay love story: soy lattés, followed by a concert at the Istana Budaya, followed by a romantic dinner for two at Shangri-La. They were clearly an item but my friend refused to be closed for inspection He was still open to potential dates. He was hesitant to say he had a boyfriend or lover, instead describing Mario as a friend.

Why are there so many degrees of romantic relationships? And why are we so scared to use the b (boyfriend) or p (partner) words? Does saying the words out loud make the relationship a reality?

Most guys I date say they are not label queens, even though most of them are clearly into labels; Diesel jeans and shoes, D&G undies, Armani tops…yet when I ask them to label our relationships…the mainstream labels are out the window and the only words they can use to describe our relationships are pseudo, um, an understanding, fun, and casual.

My friend Wan met an amazing Austrian on his last business trip. It was one of those holiday romances, romantic dinners, great sexual connection, museum trips and transcontinental flights. His Austrian who actually sounds a bit like my ex-Deutsch is coming to visit in August. I think that traveling 22 hours, 15,000kms to see someone is worthy of a labeled relationship. Yet Wan is unable to label his relationship: not a boyfriend, more than a fuckbuddy…lover?….but definitely more than a friend.

Maybe the key is not to have a label but a spectrum. That’s Farid’s idea. Let’s all live in one community when everyone is somewhere in between a friend and a lover. Maybe I’m way too American, but I like my labels. I love to be called a boyfriend…a partner…a lover…or a fuckbuddy!

PrettySweetBoy